The Beginning

On paper, it shouldn't have worked - Jay and I.

He was raised a good Christian boy, who was temporarily rebelling. I was raised to embrace all faiths, but I belonged to none. I wasn't so much rebelling at the time our paths crossed as I was 'discovering myself'

Which apparently needed copious amounts of alcohol and partying.

Nevertheless, our paths did cross and I was awestruck with this magnificent creature that was Jay.

He was (IS!) handsome with a quiet unassuming confidence that isn't the least bit arrogant. Despite meeting him during his rebellious stage, he was humble and sweet and unlike anyone I'd ever met before.

No sooner had our paths intercepted, we became inseparable. He was the peas to my carrots, milk to my tea, steak to my pie (ooh er!)

It seemed only natural that we had indeed found our mate for life and the question was popped.

We started church-shopping to find the best (i.e prettiest, oldest and best looking in the wedding pictures) venue. We never even spoke about getting married anywhere other than a church.

There was a very historic local church that was my first choice. It was grand, beautiful, old and imposing and pretty soon we found ourselves in from of the Vicar, having a meeting.

Had I known that the 'meeting' was in fact an interview, there would have been NO getting me into that church. The Vicar started the interview by stating that IF he let us get married in HIS church, there would come a day when one of us would be stood over the others coffin in the church.

I'm not entirely sure why he began with that scenario, shock value perhaps? All I could think of how wrong he probably would be...I mean logistically, would Jay and I really live and die in this one town??

He continued on with his preaching/condemnations and eventually came to the question part of the interview.

This is where things got fuzzy.

I'm not sure if it got fuzzy because we were still a little drunk from the evening spent at the pub the night before, or just fuzzy because my husband-to-be started to shock me with his religious-talk.

Hearing Jason answer questions on his 'walk with God' 'when he came to faith' with all the best religious-talk I had only ever witnessed from Songs of Praise - was as shocking to me, as if he had sat there and started speaking fluent Japanese!

Never before had I even heard the word 'God' muttered from those lips! Yet here he was rolling out the 'church-speak' like a pro!

I realized pretty quick that it may be my turn next to attempt this foreign language in an attempt to hoodwink this very religious man into marrying us in his beautiful church.

I failed...completely.

It was, indeed a completely foreign language to me and try as I may, I was unable to string a sentence together, scattered with enough church words to make me seem like I knew this God of his.

It was embarrassing.

I left there with my head hanging low.

I hadn't passed the test, I wasn't good enough for that church or that Vicar. I sucked.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and we found ourselves in the company of a new Vicar, in his beautiful church.

I was determined this time to just be honest. The only knowledge I had of God was from bible stories I had heard as a child...Noah and his big ship, David and the giant. I wasn't going to blag it.

I told the Vicar the truth.

This Vicar, unlike the other one was very welcoming and friendly. He seemed to exude joy from every pour and always seemed to have a little smile on his face.

We told him our story. How we met, our backgrounds. I told him I knew very little of religion but I would really like to get married in his beautiful church.

He welcomed us with open arms. He told me he would love to marry us and maybe this may be the very start of my walk with God.

He welcomed me.

In that moment, I got to see a little bit of Jesus.

I saw love where I had seen judgement from the other Vicar. I saw acceptance where I had seen rejection.

The difference felt like night and day and I knew who I would rather be married by.

A year later, Jay and I were married in that church. In the church that embraced all people, regardless of where they are with their walk.

And I think about the Vicar often. How his kindness and acceptance were one of the things that started me off on this faith journey.

I think about how impactful our words are and the fact that kindness and love cannot be underrated.

Its not our job to judge.

We are called to love - Love God and love one another and if everyone is this world followed those two simple actions, think how much better this planet of ours would be.

Confessions of a bad Christian woman

Sweet Christian ladies are like an enigma to me.
 
Something completely unattainable to me, yet I blindly strived for it for so long.
 
My loud and obnoxious laugh, sarcastic sense of humour and occasional swearing when I get excited, all made it difficult to even try to live up to the Proverbs 31 woman most days.
 
I believe in God - passionately and faithfully but there always seemed to be just too much of me and my humaness and not enough holy.
 
In my quest to grow and become less like me and more like a good woman of faith - I have studied - read books on how to change, poured over blogs of amazing Christian ladies, with their wonderfully immaculate houses and seemingly perfect lives, trying to find the keys to how to change.
 
I have soaked in their presecnce in Church, hoping that osmosis will make some of their sweet, gentle nature seep into my being.
 
But ultimately, i'm still me.
 
And then it hit me...maybe what the world needs right now is some of the realities of being a Christian woman. Maybe our struggles, our vulnerabilities, our problems is what can connect us with one another in deep and meaningful ways and we can grow - together.
 
Buckle up buttercup, I have a feeling we are in for a wild ride!